After a few years of working around folks who are deconstructing and seeing so many "deconstruction" coaches' content on social media, I can't help but see how much of the deconstruction movement is fueled by anger.
Anger is a powerful and important emotion. It's essential to differentiating oneself from a Church that felt/feels constricting and limiting and unhealthy. It feels power and fuels action.
Anger can also lead to bitterness, closed mindedness, and closed heartedness. It can cut us off from joy, gratitude, and true healing.
I know this because of my own experiences when I was in graduate school. I was angry. I had come from an open and exploratory spiritual community in NYC, to a somewhat open-minded Catholic space and felt like a square peg in a round hole. I was angry that there were so many people around who were stuck believing that the Catholic Church had the most truth or "the truth." Ultimately, I became a bitter, angry, depressed person.
I felt cut off from myself, Spirit, and others. Even when I found others who agreed with me, it was hard to feel connected to them because of how much anger was in me.
The other aspect of deconstruction that's important to acknowledge and move through is that it's egoically driven. I don't mean people are big headed or full of themselves, but that deconstruction becomes an identity. Often people leave their Churches feeling like they've lost not only their God, but their community and their identity. Providing a label like "deconstructing" and a community around it feels great. Now one can avoid the unsettling feelings of not having a pre-made community and not having a clear sense of who they are spiritually. But, ultimately if we don't become comfortable with fully self-authoring our spiritual life and our community we'll get stuck in "deconstruction" which isn't a forever identity but a phase.
So what comes after deconstruction?
A sense of real peace. A sense of real groundedness. And from there an openness to joy, gratitude, open-heartedness, open-mindedness, and humility. An ability to hear others' experiences with compassion, love, and curiosity, without feeling triggered or unsettled by their being different from you.
With that then you can truly start to Savor your life. Your senses. Your spirituality. Your sexuality. Your whole self. If you're ready to Savor, consider my 1:1 mentorship program. You can learn more here.